Looking Beyond
by elspiffymoo
Summary: Roxas is and always has been sick. Can he find salvation in the world that doesn't exist? Can he be saved? Akuroku


Looking Beyond

The mind is a wonderful and seemingly explorable place. It's a portal to the owner taking them anywhere and bring them to things that have never been even dreamed of before.

It's a never ending space filled with millions of ideas; a perfect place to just away from it all. Where no one can tell you 'no', because they think you're too weak or they are afraid you will get hurt.

It once was my escape, but now it's complicated…

_-_

A sickness has plagued me since before I was born. The doctors urged my mother to abort me, but she had faith in me. A me she didn't even know or would even know. Anyway it all backfired even if I'm still grateful.

She died giving birth to me. Something about being positioned wrong and bleeding out; I don't know anything else, Father won't tell me.

But she did have the time to name me; Roxas (a name I will never understand). Then again, I don't even know what her name was.

_-_

My father, treated me like a normal child for my first ten years. Just enough time for me to get my bearings in the 'real' world. Then, it all came crashing down.

The sickness hit me hard and I came to live the hospital with all the other sick kids. Even if all we wanted to do was go home. But she didn't.

_-_

I remember this one kid. She was fragile, like a bird, and even smaller than me (which I hadn't thought was possible). She loved to draw, but didn't speak a word. So I'd just sit by her as her crayons dashed around the paper.

Only a few days passed before she gave me a drawing, a smile, and a kiss on the cheek before she left. I never saw her again.

The drawing, which hangs on the wall in my room, is of a quill pen with its feathers the colors of flames. From the tip spills lots of black dots and the sentence, 'Don't Be Afraid, Namine'. I learned later on that she died that same day.

_-_

I lived in that hospital for eight years. I knew every nurse and nook and cranny in that place. Rarely did I know any of the other patients because I never knew who would be the next Namine.

But I did gain things from some of the visiting kids (ones who were there for a week at most). From a hyper active boy named Sora I got a plaster of a hand that he swore was made out of candy, an teen named Demyx gave me the sheet music to a beautiful song, a girl called Kairi gave me a four lined poem, a slate haired teen, Zexion, gave me a book on the wonders of the world, and a painting of an endless night with shooting stars guiding a figure's way.

I never did figure out where the painting came from. These are my treasures and they decorate the room I call my own, making this world a little more welcoming. But I was never meant to live here long.

_-_

My first episode happened when I was fifteen. Waiting for my medicine one night I lost conciousness. The nurses had brushed it off, saying I had merely been tired that night. But they were wrong, because the things I had seen that night were far too real to have just been a dream.

I had seen unreal creatures, felt my sences get overwelmed with the unfamiliar, and become part of a world which seemed like home. I hadn't gotten far though as this world had dragged me back, like would so many more times.

And each time I wasn't bitter at all.

_-_

The doctors recorded my episodes by my emotional reactions when I woke. If I acted heartbroken or even a little savage they wrote down the date and how long I was out. I knew that something was wrong and that's why every time I opened my eyes, after being there, I fought the urge to cry.

My father was alerted of these episodes after two years of them and he came to visit, for the first time in seven years. He came and yelled and screamed. Blaming me for everything and anything, as he poured a never ending sea of responsibilities I apparently now had or always had.

He made me swear that I would never go back and I would never give in. To the world behind the curtains, the one in my so-called 'episodes'. He screamed about my mother, how he didn't want me to do what she did. My questions were brushed off with anger as he finally fled.

I was seventeen and I knew I didn't belong.

_-_

Self induced bouts of unconsciousness or my attempts to return to that world and permanently stay there. I held my breath, nicked sleeping pills, ran until I couldn't move, collided into doors, and so many other things just to get away.

The nurses soon caught on and I was isolated. My room moved to a padded one, you know the kind for people who attempt self harm. It was a beautiful white one with a bed, security cameras, and all of treasures I had kept in my old room.

Much to their chagrin this solitary confinement didn't last long as I finally broke free.

_-_

I fell like a bird from the sky into an endless black sea. Down I floated as the night flipped around and I found myself standing on a beach. The calm never seemed to end. There wasn't a me and yet there was as the sand changed.

It flew away in the shapes of golden stars. I watched them paint the sky white and decorate it with their color. The lightness beamed off the black water and the golden sand.

A tree of feathers drew me close as I brushed against its waxy bark. A paint like breeze rushed past carrying floating creatures as thin as paper. In a blink of an eye they were gone. The air was alive, as plants of metal grew from it, and the ground below was like rubber.

Floating islands soared high above and took my breath away. Figures with golden eyes grew from the sea and lifted away into the sky. A set of keys grew in my palms: Oblivion and Oath Keeper. My protectors from the heartless as well as myself.

Turning I walked away from the other Nobodies that had decended from the sky. Then, taking a step forward I plunged back into the black sea.

_-_

A soft melody greeted me as the water rippled around and the saturated golden ground embraced me. Easily I breathed in the water, but the light was gone. I wasn't afraid for the darkness had no hold over me and one who approached with the melody I knew.

Lifting the hand I did know exist, in a sense, I brought to life the memories of my old life and the very emotions I felt for the one approaching.

_-_

A heart of flaming feathers never ending light beaming off it in dots and streams with words I felt for him seeping in. The ghost of a cocky grin met mine as he treasured my feelings. Green met blue as the red of his mane clashed with the ground. Upwards I tilted with his name on my lips.

Axel.

And I stood there clutching his hand in mine, as the lights finally gave way.


End file.
